Articles
Double Standards
“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge you will be judged; and by your standard of measure it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matt 7:1-5)
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the prophets.” (Matt 7:12)
“Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you condemn another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.” (Rom 2:1)
Jesus taught that the greatest commandment was to love God with all the heart, mind, soul, and strength (Matt 22:36-38; cf. Deut 6:5). A close second and super-related commandment is—“You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 22:39; cf. Lev 19:18). Loving one’s neighbor as oneself is in fact so essential and integral to fulfillment of the law that both Paul and James claim that this commandment fulfills the law, but do not see it as necessary to even mention the commandment about loving God (Gal 5:13-14; Rom 13:8-10; James 2:8). Loving one’s neighbor is absolutely essential.
When the Bible teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves, this is not an implicit command about the need for self-love (contrary to popular interpretation). Mankind doesn’t generally have a problem loving himself. In fact, the consistent message of the Bible is that man loves himself far too much at the expense of others. The often individual loves himself so unconditionally and so fervently that he is willing to overlook all kinds of wrongdoings, rationalize all kinds of bad behaviors, and forgive all kinds of flaws, all in the interests of that self-love. “Self” is virtually always quicker than others to grant to itself the “benefit of the doubt.” We can see it in these kinds of mental processes:
-When others have angry outbursts, it is because they are bad people, but when I have an angry outburst, it is merely a “moment of weakness.”
-When others withhold information, it is dishonesty, but when I do it, it is prudence.
-When others rebuke me, it is harsh and unfair, but when I rebuke others, it is timely admonition.
-When others protest their cause, it is because they are whiny and narcissistic, but when I protest my cause, it is because I have something important to stand up for.
-When others sin, they ought to be punished, but when I sin, I ought to be forgiven.
These kinds of attitudes and more besides are double standards. They criticize others for faults that one is unwilling to criticize in oneself. This is the epitome of “self love.” But it is love wrongly directed. When God told us to “love your neighbor as yourself,” he did it assuming most of us knew how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves. What God wants is for us to direct that standard of “self love” onto others. If I am allowed to get upset merely because I am having a “bad day,” then the other upset people I encounter need to be granted that same courtesy of just having a “bad day.” If I am going to insist that other people withhold condemnation until they have contextualized my actions, then I need to similarly withhold condemnation until I have contextualized the actions of others. And if I refuse to tolerate something in my enemies, then I must similarly refuse to tolerate it in my friends, and even in myself. Otherwise, I am living by a double standard.
Loving one’s neighbor as oneself is hard. It inevitably requires us to direct more compassion to others and more criticism towards ourselves. It sometimes requires us to confront the 2x4 jutting out of our eye that has been hindering our ability to be effective. (Jesus’ illustration is as comical as it is condemning, since one wonders how a person with a plank of wood in his eye could be so good at spotting specks in the eyes of others!)
If you are going to hold others to a rigorous brutal standard, that is all well and good. But you must hold yourself to that same standard, and you must do it honestly, consistently, and brutally. Otherwise, you will probably wind up having an extremely awkward conversation with Jesus on judgment day! Far better would be to show grace and mercy to others, as Christ has first shown it to us. If we are willing to grant grace to others, then we can afford to grant grace to ourselves. “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matt 6:14-15).
May God help us not to have double standards!
